Somewhere a bell is ringing
by Anrheithwyr
Summary: Pansy is so much more complex than anyone had ever understood, with three hundred and sixty-five layers that make her into the woman that she is. She is a villain and a bully and a coward and a lover and a friend and a mother. She is Pansy Parkinson, and far away somewhere a bell is ringing just for her. Her time to tell her story, has now begun to unfold.. 100 word drabbles each.
1. Day 1: New

_New_ means books and a wand and an owl. New means fresh robes bought from Madame Malkin, which is silly, because havent they always bought her clothes from Twillfitt and Tatters? New means begging Mum for a broom and hearing her say _No, Pansy, not this year__. _

And most importantly, new means being one day closer to the Hogwarts Express, to Hogwarts itself, where Pansy will be placed into Slytherin (_"the only house for a Parkinson_", her father always said) and where she will finally be admired and praised, as she has always deserved.

Pansy really likes brand new things.


	2. Day 2: Glory

There was, she knew, no glory in running away from the battle. No honour, no respect in running to the dungeons, where she would be escorted to safety, away from the death and destruction that would soon take over the castle.

Of course there was no glory in fleeing, but Pansy didn't care. She would rather be called a coward than brave, if it meant staying alive another day. She was a _Slytherin_, after all, and Slytherins were only ever interested in one thing: self-preservation.

And the only way to keep alive was to run away, damn all the glory.


	3. Day 3: Snow

"Snow!" Pansy yelled, flinging the white stuff into the air and laughing as it came raining back down on her, barely even minding the cold as it seeped into her jacket and covered her hair with wet, freezing snow.

"Pansy, get out of the snow _now_," her mother snapped, tugging the four year old towards the front door of Flourish and Blott's. "We are not here to _play_, and besides, that is incredibly inappropriate. Parkinsons do _not_ play in the snow, do you hear me?

Her mum scowled at Pansy again, tugging on Pansy's arm, and she followed after reluctantly.


	4. Day 4: Heart

"_You_, Pansy Parkinson, are heartless," Tracey giggles as Pansy mimicks mudblood Granger, hand straight in the air, jumping up and down as though she were going to piss herself. "Why've you always got to be so _mean_?"

"Like she doesn't deserve it?" Pansy laughs, remembering how Granger had stolen every chance to answer a question in Transfiguration. "Besides, it pointing out the truth means I don't have a heart, then I'd rather go without. _Everyone_ knows mudblood Granger is nothing more than a little bookwormy know-it-all."

"Heartless!" Tracey calls again.

But Pansy notices that Tracey does not disagree with her.


	5. Day 5: Starlight

In the starlight, Astoria was beautiful, practically a star herself. Pansy could barely even focus on what Astoria was saying, too busy being caught up in Astoria herself.

Pansy had always thought that her girlfriend was made up of starlight; there was no one in the world who could quite be so pretty, not unless they had a bit of the stars inside of themself.

Pansy sighed, taking Astoria's hand, kissing the younger girl on the cheek. Astoria paused mid-statement to look over at Pansy, but the older girl only smiled.

Her girlfriend was made of starlight and absolute perfection.


	6. Day 6: Uncertainty

Pansy was filled with uncertainty as she waited outside of the Malfoy Manor. It was going to be their _first_ official date, she and Draco, because the one at the Yule Ball did _not_ count, as far as Pansy was concerned.

What if she messed up? What is she said the wrong thing or offended him somehow? What if he decided that Pansy was ugly or stupid or silly? What if she…_Merlin_, but there were a hundred ways this could go wrong, weren there?

Taking a deep breath, Pansy tried to calm down. She was a Slytherin, after all.


	7. Day 7: Breakfast

"For breakfast," her father said in his crisp, I-am-an-adult-and-you-will-listen-to-what-I-say voice, "a growing young lady must always eat fruits and drink milk, so that she can be healthy and fertile. She must never slurp or gulp or belch. A lady must be polite and quiet when eating breakfast, because it is the very first meal of the day. A lady must _always _have breakfast waiting for her husband each morning, without fail, and it must always be to her husband's approval. Do you understand, Pansy? Your job is to make your husband happy, and breakfast is the best place to start."


	8. Day 8: Achievement

Pansy considered the fact that she had not yet killed that _stupid _mudblood yet an achievement. Granger was incredibly annoying, and Pansy hated her more than any of the other Gryffindors. The stupid mudblood was always leaping up from her seat, answering every answer in class, and generally embarrassing herself.

She was such a show-off, and the fact that a _mudblood_ was doing better than Pansy at school was just infuriating. Honestly, Pansy was fulfilling quite an achievement by _not_ killing Granger, but it was only a matter of time before her hatred of Granger grew to be too much.


	9. Day 9: Obsession

She was _not_ obsessed with Draco Malfoy, thank you very much. She had not, nor would she ever be, obsessed with Draco Malfoy, because that would have been silly if she was.

No, it was not obsession with Draco Malfoy that drove Pansy to him. It was her desire for wealth, for power. It was that Draco offered her the possibility of living the way she had always felt that Pansy deserved: with respect and reverement.

She wasn't obsessed with Draco Malfoy, she was obsessed with what marrying him could do for Pansy, a much more Slytherin way of thinking.


	10. Day 10: Flutter

Pansy's heart was fluttering as she made her way down the stairs; this was her first ever dance, and she wants to make sure that everything goes perfectly.

Draco was waiting for her in the Common Room, wearing the matching dress robes that she had made him order special from Twillfitt. He smiled up at Pansy as she made her way over to where Draco was standing, kissing him on the cheek.

Her heart fluttered even harder when he took her hand and pulled her out the Common Room door.

"Let's go now," he said, and her fluttering heart soared.


	11. Day 11: Breeze

"Slight breeze tonight, yeah?" Pansy commented lightly, looking up at Draco, who silently nodded as he continued to chew. "Do you think it might rain later?"

"Mhm," he muttered back, and the two fell back into the same awkward silence that had coated their meal all night.

Life with Draco had been _different_ these past few months. Pansy know what was wrong, but he barely ever seemed to want to talk anymore. He didn't seem to want to have _anything_ to do with Pansy anymore.

She shivered as another breeze blew past, leaving her feeling cold, dead, and empty inside.


	12. Day 12: Unpopular

"Merlin, look at _her_," Tracey snickered, nodding in the direction of a Ravenclaw girl who was hunched over a stack of books and papers, nose nearly touching the paper. "Can you even _imagine_ being so fucking unpopular?"

"I know, right?" Pansy snorted with laughter, looking down at the own classwork on their library table, of which they had touched none of it. "Fucking _Ravenclaws_. They're so damn nerdy and dweeby; it's a wonder anyone ever bothers getting put in that house. It's a good thing we're in Slytherin."

"Where _everyone_ knows we're popular!" Tracey laughed and Pansy smirked in agreement.


	13. Day 13: Ruined

"Well, _now _you've and fucking done it, havent you, bloody idiot?" Pansy grumbled as she picked up a smashed goblet, which one of Draco's _friends_ had no doubt thrown against the wall last night in a drunken fit.

"Eh," Draco muttered from his cereal bowl, eyes wide and dark, still hungover from last night's party, which had clearly gotten out of hand, judging from the state of the manor. "S'fine."

"You've really ruined everything now, haven't you, Draco? Weren't you supposed to go the Ministry this morning? Good job, moron, you've ruined it all. _Again_. Why am I not surprised?"


	14. Day 14: Heaven

Pansy was in heaven at that particular moment as she surveyed the scene before her; all of the castle of Hogwarts was her's to control.

Every classroom, every hallway, and _she_ was in charge of it all, thanks to the Dark Lord. Because of him, and men like Pansy's father, it was the _Purebloods_ who were in complete and total control of the school, as they should be.

She was in heaven, observing the way the younger students in Slytherin revered her and the other houses feared her.

This was _her_ domain and _her_ kingdom.

Pansy was the queen now.


	15. Day 15: Competition

"What do you say to a little friendly competition?" Pansy asked as she stood on her tiptoes, kissing Draco good-luck on the cheek. "Just a little friendly wager, really, to show those Gryffindors who is really in charge here at Hogwarts."

"Because the competition of Quidditch itself isnt enough?" Draco smirked, but he nodded along with her words regardless, letting Pansy kiss his cheek one more time. "I suppose the Gryffindors deserve a little competition today. Just crushing them is never fun; it'll be more interesting to make them beg for their pride back after we kick their asses today."


	16. Day 16: Song

"Can you sing another song for me, Daddy?" Pansy asked from her big, wide bed that filled much of Pansy's bedroom. The bed was much too wide for the six year old, but she liked that there was so much room to sleep how she wanted. "I like your songs the best, Daddy. Mum never sings good-night to me."

"Just one more song, yeah, Pansy?" Daddy replied, settling back down on Pansy's too-big bed, patting her on the head before beginning to sing once more.

Pansy leaned back on her pillows in peace, letting her father's voice wash over her.


	17. Day 17: Thief

"Little bitching _thief!_" Pansy screeched, tearing through Millicent's belongings in search of her copy of this month's Witch Weekly. "Fucking _fatass_ _thief_! Stay away from my stuff, will you?"

"I'm sorry," Millicent said, looking like she was beginning to cry as she glanced around the room for help that would never come; the other Slytherin 5th year girls only continued to get ready for the morning, pretending to not hear Pansy's screams of fury. "I didn't mean to lose it, honest, Pansy. I was just borrowing!"

"_Thief_!" Pansy howled again, scowling at Millicent. "You_ idiot thief_, you're so damn stupid!"


	18. Day 18: Home

"Going home for Christmas, Pansy?" Tracey asked as they made their way up the stairs, heading from their Common Room in the dungeons to the Great Hall. "My mum and dad have already sent me a letter _insisting _that I come home for this first Christmas."

Pansy thought to the letter that _she_ had received from her mother, scathing and insulting Pansy at every other sentence, _ordering _Pansy home for what would no doubt be a very miserable Christmas, as it always was.

"Of course I'm going home," she replied, forcing a smile. "Why wouldn't I? Home for Christmas time."


	19. Day 19: Victory

She had always sought ought victory before anything else. Pansy _loved_ winning, loved conquering everyone else around her. It was the way she could prove her superiority, the way she could show others that it was _Pansy Parkinson _who was the greatest of them all.

She ws a girl who sought praise and admiration and ran after victories like they were the _I love you_s that she never received from her own mother.

But this was the one victory she would never be able to claim, Pansy realised, looking down at Draco's sleeping form.

He would never quite love her.


	20. Day 20: Library

"Headed to the library, then?" Pansy asked, sticking out her leg to trip the Ravenclaw girl. "Going to go tuck yourself up and study, yeah?"

Pansy shoved the girl up against the wall, laughing with scorn.

"Girls like you, they only go to the library because they know they'll never get a boy to look at them. You're ugly, so you run to the library. It's your little safe haven, yeah?" She laughed, shoving the girl again before growing bored with picking on the younger girl.

Pansy walked off, wondering why _anyone_ would ever bother stepping foot into a library.


	21. Day 21: Tower

"Take me up to the tower with you, please Draco? Oh, _please_, I want to see the stars with you. We could dance, it's a nice night for dancing, don't you think? I want to come with you," Pansy wheedled, grabbing Draco's hand to keep him from leaving.

"I'm not going to the tower for fun, you fucking idiot," Draco snapped. "I have a mission to complete, and it all ends tonight, no matter what. I'm not gallivanting around the castle, Pansy! They want me to kill Dumbledore, do you understand? I'm supposed to kill him, at the tower, tonight!"


	22. Day 22: Pain

Pansy enjoyed inflicting pain upon others; it was, she felt, one of the greatest skills she had in life, one of the few things that she had always been able to do very well. Whether it was verbally hurting others or _actually_ hurting others, Pansy excelled at finding weak spots and getting in every lick as hard as she possibly could.

She wasn't supposed to be the one getting hurt, it wasn't supposed to be _fucked up_ like this, so why was it that Pansy felt the twist of pain as she walked in on Draco, making out with _her_?


	23. Day 23: Content

According to Daphne Greengrass, Pansy Parkinson was a book with no words, empty of any valuable content. She was empty-headed and idiotic, and there was nothing to her of any worth. Pansy Parkinson was no threat to anyone, because she was nothing more than another giggly pureblooded socialite.

According to Tracey Davis, Pansy Parkinson was a scornful, mocking girl, who had loads of content about everyone else stored in her brain. She was rude, but the sort that no one wanted to insult. It would be unwise to make enemies with Pansy Parkinson, and Tracey had every intention to survive.


	24. Day 24: Picturesque

"Nice day we're having, don't you think?" Tracey asked from her spot under the tree; Pansy looked up from where she was sprawled in Draco's lap to glance around at the pictureqsue scene that surrounded the Slytherins.

The sun was shining brightly, a light wind was blowing past, and off in the distance, Pansy could hear the sound of birds chirping lightly.

The day had been peaceful and lazy so far for the Slytherins, and they had taken this opportunity to lie around aside and do nothing.

"Lovely," Blaise muttered, and then they fell silent again, enjoying the nice day.


	25. Day 25: Train

The Hogwarts Express was not as grand as Pansy had expected, to be honest. It was just a bunch of simple carriages, some closed behind glass doors and some just benches where everyone sat around and chatted amicably, regardless of house or blood purity.

She had been expecting that there would somewhere special for people like _her_, well-respected purebloods who were soon to be Slytherins, yet here she was, tucked into a seat with a girl who had introduced herself as Tracey Davis.

No matter, Pansy thought, looking around. Soon enough, the whole school would know who Pansy Parkinson was.


	26. Day 26: Curse

"Do you think I'm cursed?" Astoria asked Pansy one morning during breakfast."It's just…_weird _things have been happening to me lately. I'm doing terribly in class, and it always seems like people are snickering at me whenever I walk by. I don't understand _why _anything is even happening. Could someone have cursed me?"

"You arent cursed, Greengrass," Pansy said with a smirk, but the grin was wiped off her face as Astoria accidentally knocked over Pansy's pumpkin juice. The two girls watched in horror as the juice spread across the table, covering everything in sight. "Okay, maybe you _are_ cursed, actually."


	27. Day 27: Wilderness

"Where were they?" Pansy asked when Tracey had finally finished reading that morning's copy of The Daily Prophet. "Potter and his little friends, I mean. Any sightings of them lately?"

"Dunno, Prophet doesn't say anything about them today," Tracey replied, handing over the newspaper to Pansy. "Last I heard, though, they were living somewhere out in the wilderness, like animals. Camping in forests or something like that. Can you imagine that, though, living in the middle of the woods, away from the rest of the world? I couldn't do it."

Pansy nodded, knowing that Potter would be caught soon enough.


	28. Day 28: Dagger

Pansy looked down at the dagger in her hand and wondered if she was really strong enough to use it.

Did she really have the courage to plunge the dagger into another living, breathing human being and twist the dagger around inside of them until they were no longer a living, breathing human being?

She was no Gryffindor, blindly rushing into this.

Slytherins considered, Slytherins determined, because making the wrong decision could ruin them forever. Could she truly take this dagger and use it against another person, taking their life without a thought?

Yes, Pansy decided. She could kill Draco.


	29. Day 29: Perfume

He smelled like the perfume of another woman, Pansy noticed as she leaned in to kiss Draco on the cheek.

His scent was different than what she was used to, far more fruity and girly, the sort of scent that Draco would not have normally worn.

Pansy gave her boyfriend a suspicious look, wondering if he had been spending time with some other girl.

Violet Runcorn smelled rather like the perfume that coated Draco; was it possible they were seeing each other behind Pansy's back?

Pansy would very willingly kill Draco if it turned out he was cheating on her.


	30. Day 30: Knockturn Alley

"Knockturn is off-limits until you're older, do you understand me, young lady? You can't just go running wherever you want, not when there are all sorts of people skulking about who'd _love _to take home a pretty young thing like you and do whatever they want with you," Mrs. Parkinson growled, tugging Pansy away from the entry of Knockturn Alley. "Are you listening to me, Pansy Nicole Parkinson? You are only nine years old, you little _idiot_! Do you _want _some stranger to kidnap you and carry you away from me forever?"

_Only a litte bit, _Pansy thought to herself.


	31. Day 31: Catch

"Catch, Pansy!" Birch yelled, tossing Pansy his teddy bear, and the twelve year old girl leapt forward to keep the stuffed toy from touching the ground, catching it just centimetres from the ground. Birch clapped as Pansy handed the teddy bear back to him. "Thanks, Pansy, you're the greatest."

Pansy could only smile as her brother fell into another fit of coughing, stuffing his hands over his mouth to keep from breathing on Pansy. It was hard to see Birch this way, so little and sick, and with nothing to do.

If it made Birch better, she would never leave.


	32. Day 32: Ice

The Black Lake had frozen over during the Christmas holidays, and had yet to melt, though it was already nearly February. The whole lake was coated in a thick layer of ice, and it had been Pansy's idea to go running across the lake in their thickest socks.

"Come on, don't be a baby," she wheedled, tugging on Tracey's robes. "It's just a little bit of ice, come on, Tracey, _please_? I bet Blaise will be out there with Draco."

"Do you think so?" Tracey asked, jumping to her feet. "Come on, we've got to go to see the ice!"


	33. Day 33: Space

"Have you ever wanted to go to space?" Draco asked one night over dinner, causing Pansy to look up in shock, because he had never asked such a question before. "I mean, if you could, would you go into space? See all the stars?"

"I can see the stars from earth just fine, thank you," Pansy replied curtly, wondering where Draco's question had come from all of the sudden. "Why're you interested in space all of the sudden?"

"No reason," he mumbled absent-mindedly, staring off at nothing. "Just some conversation I had not too long ago about going to space."


	34. Day 34: Nonsense

"A Parkinson never lets anything bother her. A Parkinson is stronger than any rude words or jealous glances. Everyone else is merely full of nonsense, do you understand me, Pansy? They're all nonsensical upstarts who are jealous of our family's wealth and power. But always remember this, Pansy: you are better than all the rest of them. You were _born_ better than they were and anyone who disagrees with you is full of nonsense and don't know what they're saying."

Mrs. Parkinson's voice is harsh to the seven year old, and Pansy struggles to understand why this is so important.


	35. Day 35: Wings

Unlike most people, Pansy had never desired to have wings. She has never had any sort of impulse to take flight and soar into the sky like a bird.

Quidditch, in her mind, was fun enough to watch, but clambering onto a broomstick was out of the question.

Pansy was fine with staying with both feet firmly on the ground, rather than filling her head with dreams of taking flight with a huge pair of wings attached to her back.

She had been made a person, and not a bird, for a very good reason.

Pansy didn't ever want wings.


	36. Day 36: Moon

The moon was especially bright the night that Dumbledore died.

Pansy had been one of the few who knew what was going to happen that night, and she found herself unable to stay in the Slytherin dungeons, where the moon and stars could not be seen.

Instead, she hid in an empty classroom and looked out the window, wondering if the whole school would tremble when Dumbledore died.

What would happen to Draco after all of this finished, after he killed Dumbledore?

Pansy looked upwards, knowing unfortunately, that she could no more control her boyfriend than she could the moon.


	37. Day 37: Always

Draco promises her "always", saying that he'll never leave Pansy, that he'll never abandon her. They're in love, he swears, madly in love, and love means "always".

And Pansy is too blind, too foolish, too caught up in being with Draco to realise that "always" doesn't need to last forever.

Her parents has promised "always" to each other, and look how long they had stayed in love. But she and Draco were different from her parents, weren't they?

They really did love each other, and their love really was going to be always.

Always_ had_ to mean something permanent, right?


	38. Day 38: Galleons

She had never seen so many galleons in her life all at once; Mum had made no secret that the Parkinsons came from old money, of course, but Pansy had never been allowed to see the vault that belonged to her family before now.

She had had no idea that the glint of gold could be so pretty, or that galleons were such a beautiful sight. Pansy had already fallen in love with the shine of the galleons, and she knew that her whole life after this point would be dedicatd to getting as much of it as she could.


	39. Day 39: Portkey

"You have the portkey, Asterion?" she asked her son, who nodded, holding up the old piece of jewellery that Pansy remembered as a gift from Draco, many, _many _years ago. "Now remember to be polite to your father, understand? Finding out about you has been a bit of a shock for him, and we don't want to push things even further by being rude to him."

"Yes, Mum," Asterion replied listlessly, and in the next instant, he was gone, tugged far away by the glowing necklace in his hands.

_He's yours for the weekend, Draco_, Pansy thought quietly to herself.


	40. Day 40: Insomnia

She rarely fell asleep before midnight, and she was always awake before the sun had finished rising in the sky.

Her roommates called her an insomniac, and threw pillows or dirty shirts at her whenever she moved around, but Pansy didn't care.

It was nice to be able to sit in the bathrooms in the early morning, or to take an extra long shower all by herself, without anyone screaming at her to hurry up.

It was nice to have this time of day all to herself, without anyone else to distract her or invade her personal time for thinking.


	41. Day 41: Herbology

"Don't see _why_ we've got to take Herbology," Pansy grumbled half to herself as she and Daphne clambered down the side of the hill that led to the greenhouses. "Bloody useless class, if you ask me, and the only one who seems to like it any is Longbottom."

"I like Herbology well enough," Daphne replied quietly, but Pansy only shook her head, mentally filing this under reasons why Daphne Greengrass was _weird_ and barely even a Slytherin.

"Herbology is for daffers and dolts, not for decent purebloods. We're _better_ than some stupid class about bloody plants. Who cares about Herbology?"


	42. Day 42: Stay

_Please stay, Pansy. _

_Please stay?_

_I swear, she didn't mean anything. _

_She was…she was just casual. _

_A fling. _

_I didn't mean anything by her, promise. _

_I'm not in love with Astoria Greengrass. _

_Violet Runcorn? She is a whore, I want nothing to do with her. _

_Please don't leave, Pansy. _

_Why won't you stay with me, let me prove that I still love you?_

_I'd do anything to make you stay, to prove my love to you. _

_Please stay, Pansy._

Draco said none of this as Pansy slipped out the door and out of his life for the very last time.


	43. Day 43: Bathroom

Pansy sat on the floor of the Slytherin fifth year girl's bathroom, her head just peeking over the sink so that she could see the top of her brown hair floating in empty space.

There was no reason in particular for her to be sitting her, but it _was _five in the morning, and Pansy didn't think she would be making it back to bed anytime soon.

Besides, it was nice to feel the wet dripping of her hair, freshly showered, as the water trickled down her neck.

It was nice to be able to feel anything at all nowadays.


	44. Day 44: Birth

She had given birth five times in her life, and had given birth to six children over the course of twenty years, to lovely children.

Two little boys and four girls, and she sometimes wondered how it was that someone as terrible as she had been given such gifts.

She had given birth to all six of them, and Pansy loved all of her children equally, who had become the light of her life after a string of failed relationships.

Her children were her lifeline, and she made sure that they understood just how much she cared for them all.


	45. Day 45: Chaos

Chaos, Pansy felt, could be used to her advantage. There were students everywhere in the Great Hall, all asking for direction, for answers, for an explanation as to _why _they were out of bed so late at night.

The whole school was in chaos, and that was the perfect situation for a Slytherin to work their magic, to manipulte the scene to their advantage.

"_That's Potter, right over there! Someone grab him!_" she yelled, but Pansy had forgotten to consider that the sense of chaos could easily turn to mass purpose, as the whole school turned against her as one.


	46. Day 46: Contrast

In contrast to her mother, Pansy was loud and obvious about what she wanted in life. In contrast to her mother, Pansy had always made it very clear that she was only here for _one thing_, and that was to be successful in any sense of the word.

Where her mother worked behind the scenes to climb the social ladder, Pansy grabbed what she desired and refused to let go.

She was a Slytherin, dammit, and Slytherins always got what they wanted, no matter who they had to hurt to get there.

In contrast to her mother, Pansy was ruthless.


	47. Day 47: No

Her first word is "no", Daddy always likes to jokingly say. She practically came out of the womb saying "no", and maybe because of this, Pansy has always found it rather easy to say _no_.

_No_, I won't help you, I'm busy.

_No_, I think that dress looks hideous on you, please burn it right now.

_No_, I didn't do the homework, what do I look like, a silly little Ravenclaw?

So, if she's so good at saying "no", why is it so hard to say that simple word to Draco Malfoy when he asks if she still loves him?


	48. Day 48: Sorting Hat

_Slytherin_, she tells the Hat fiercely, threatening it to put her anywhere else. _I'm a Slytherin. I belong in Slytherin. Put me there. Put me there now._

So the Hat complies, because at age eleven, Pansy is horribly one-dimensional, and the Hat, for the first time in a long time, is not sure there is anything more to this little, loud-mouthed brunette but a hunger for climbing.

_SLYTHERIN! _the Sorting Hat cries, leaving Pansy to flounce off proudly, settling at the _correct_ table with all of her new friends.

And the Hat wonders if it has ever made a mistake.


	49. Day 49: Cosy

She is cosy, wrapped up in Theodore's arms, listening to him rumble quietly about nothing at all, his low voice whispering nonsense in her ear.

He is her way of running, of avoiding the news of Astoria and Draco, unwed but the proud parents of the newest Malfoy heir.

But Theo is cosy and warm and is using Pansy just as much as she is using him. Propped up against his chest, her head tucked into his collarbone, Pansy lets herself play at the thought that they could stay like this forever.

It is a happy lie she doesn't believe.


	50. Day 50: Trick

She thinks it must be a trick, at first. A horrible, rotten, awful trick. There is no way her sweet little brother is just…_gone_.

It must be a trick, a power play of her mother's to elicit a response from Pansy so that Mrs. Parkinson can berate the thirteen year old.

But it isnt a trick, and Birch is really gone, though his little body still remains in his bed. It isn't a trick, and Pansy is, once again, the only Parkinson left.

"Birch is not here anymore."

Neither is Pansy, who cannot stop hoping that it's all a trick.


	51. Day 51: Flying

Pansy keeps her eyes shut the first time she goes flying. It is their third lesson in flying class, and she is one of thee few to not even try; even Longbottom and Granger have attempted to take flight at this point.

And, though Pansy will never admit that she is envious of how much easier flying seems to come to everyone else, she struggles to convince herself to get on the broom and try flying.

All she can see in her head is the sight of Longbottom falling off of his broom and breaking his arm.

She hates flying.


	52. Day 52: Golden

She is the golden child to her father, his oldest, his only daughter, his flawlessly, perfectly golden little girl.

To Daddy, she is perfect and important and better than any other little girl on the face of the planet.

And Daddy swears he would make Pansy his heir, but for the fact that girls don't get to carry on the family lines.

She is his golden daughter, but even Daddy cannot promise Pansy the untold riches of the Parkinson house that she deserves.

Sometimes, Pansy wishes her brothers would die so that Daddy would have no other choice but Pansy.


	53. Day 53: Ice Cream

"Can we have ice cream for dinner?" her eldest daughter asks one night, and the younger children chime in eagerly with their own demands for their favourite dairy treat.

"Perhaps _after_ you finish your meal, yes, you may have ice cream," Pansy replies curtly, trying to keep the smile on her face. She has been trying to keep everything civil, for Viktor's sake, because it is the first time in a long time that they have all been able to eat like a proper family.

"But ice cream, Mummy!" cries four year old Addy. "Ice cream, ice cream! I want!"


	54. Day 54: Friend

It is as she is writing out invitations to her wedding that Pansy realises she is sorely short on good friends.

Daphne Greengrass had died years ago, and despised Pansy to begin with.

Violet Runcorn was a harlot, and Pansy would never have invited her in the first place.

Millicent was the ex-wife of one of Pansy's ex-lovers, an awkward situation.

And Tracey Davis, Pansy's lackey in school so many years ago, had not answered any of Pansy's letters of late, a clear sign she no longer wished to speak to Pansy.

Pansy had no friends left in the world.


	55. Day 55: Decoration

"Did you _see_ that stupid butterfly in Patil's hair?" Pansy snickered under her breath to Tracey, bobbing her head in the direction of the Gryffindor, who was removing the glittering decoration from her hair with a scowl. "I thought it was going to swallow her whole head, it's so large. Shame it didn't."

"Yeah," Tracey replied, covering her mouth to hide her smirk. "Why's Patil think a monstrosity of a hair decoraiton like that even looks good? Seems the poor dear left her sense of fashion back in India."

The two Slytherins continued to laugh to themselves at Patil's decoration.


	56. Day 56: Dancing

He takes her dancing for their first date, spinning Pansy around the floor until she is weak in the knees and her blood pumps intensely, coursing through her body.

He takes her dancing, and he is a beautiful dancer for a man who seems to have two left feet whenever he walks.

He holds her lithe hand in his own work-hardened ones and spins Pansy across the dance floor, making her breathless.

She feels fourteen all over again as he dips her, and Pansy wonders how differently her life might have been now if they had danced at Hogwarts together.


	57. Day 57: Soul

Pansy did not think she had a soul. To be honest, she didn't think souls existed nearly as often as she had been told. Souls, she felt, were for the worthy, and she had met very few people worthy of a soul.

But Pansy certainly didn't have one, not when she was ruthless and cruel and mean to everyone she knew, using others to get what she wanted, and never letting mercy get the best of her.

She was too mean, too evil, too dead inside, for a soul.

Pansy definitely didn't have a soul, but Astoria loved her anyway.


	58. Day 58: Hello

Astoria's first word to Pansy is 'hello' and then 'sorry', accidentally running into the older girl on the fourth floor as Astoria hurried to class.

And at the time, Pansy is thirteen and Astoria is eleven. They're a little too young to know what love is, and it certainly isn't love at first sight, but years later, Pansy will remember the first words Astoria ever spoke to her.

"Hello. Sorry. My bad, I really should be going. Hello, hello. I'm Astoria, by the way. Astoria Greengrass."

The name means nothing that first day, but it all started with a 'hello'.


	59. Day 59: Chess

"Do you like chess, Pansy?" Daphne asks one day, but Pansy only huffs and rolls her eyes, wondering why Daphne is bothering her. "My dad got me a new chess set, and I wanted to know if you were up for a game."

"Sod off, Greengrass. I wouldn't play chess if you paid me all the galleons in the world. Chess is for Ravenclaw study-freaks, not for high-society Slytherin girls." Pansy sneers at Daphne, who clutches her chess set to her chest and nods, tears stinging her cheeks.

"Sorry for bothering you," Daphne says, and her heart hardens a little.


	60. Day 60: Bitter

No, no, she's not bitter that, even in death, her brothers outshine Pansy like a thousand burning suns.

No, she's not bitter that, though they only lived for a very short time, her mother has made it so terribly clear that Pansy will never match up to the standard of being born a boy.

No, she is not bitter that her mother hates her, simply because Pansy has her mother's face and her mother's ambition, and she's a bloody _girl_, since it would seem the world hates her.

A cosmic joke, with Pansy as the punchline.

Her? No, not bitter.


	61. Day 61: Lazy Day

"This is not a lazy day, you two!" Mrs. Parkinson shrieks, pulling at Pansy's arm, tugging the seven year old off of the couch where she has been lazing around with her father on his day off, a rarity for the Ministry worker. "We've got plenty of things to do, you know! Plenty of things! No lazing about, come on, get to work!"

Mr. Parkinson sighs, giving his daughter a knowing grin before clambering to his feet in order to appease his wife.

Pansy follows suit, sorry to see their lazy day disappear so quickly, like everything with Daddy does.


	62. Day 62: Truth

The truth is that she is afraid that her legacy will be one of silence and succumbing. The truth is that she feels she has tried incredibly hard to get absolutley nowhere in life, with only bruises and broken hearts to show for her efforts.

The truth is that she has never wanted to end up on the receiving end of all those sneers that she so freely gave out at school.

And the truth is, she feels like she deserves every bit of hatred and mistrust that the world throws back at her face every single fucking damn day.


	63. Day 63: First Home

Hogwarts is her first home, the first place where Pansy feels that she can truly be herself. Expectations exist only in their simplest form: that Pansy be the queen of all bitches, a stereotype that she finds herself easily falling into, as though the role of the reigning superior came to her as easily as breathing.

Hogwarts is her first home, and through its halls, Pansy walks with a twitch of her skirt and a smirk playing on her lips.

She will rule this castle one day soon, she will run Hogwarts, and her first home will be her only.


	64. Day 64: Room of Requirement

"Do you know anything about a place called the Room of Requirement?" Draco asks her in a flustered voice one day, his whole body taut as he leaned over to speak to her.

Pansy shook her head, the Inquisitor Squad badge gleaming on her chest, reflecting off the light as she moved.

"I think that's where we'll find Potty and Weasel and all their little no-good friends. Blaise says he knows where it is, that he'll show me."

"Oh," Pansy mumbles, wishing Draco was half as interested in her as he seemed to be in catching Potter for Professor Umbridge.


	65. Day 65: Close

"Were you close with your mother?" the Healer asks as Pansy sits stonily in his office chair, refusing to say a word. "I know the death of a close loved one can be traumatic. You can sometimes feel lost without them, or like it's hard to move on. Is that how you feel, Pansy?"

She has hated her mother, actually; Mrs. Parkinson, the bitch and bully of Pansy's life for twenty-nine years. Did she feel lost without her mother close by? No. No, Pansy felt...free. Elated. Safe. Happy.

"No," she finally replies curtly, looking away. "We weren't close at all."


	66. Day 66: Teddy Bear

"It's a teddy bear," she explains softly to Astonia, handing the stuffed toy to her three year old daughter. "It was mine when I was very, very young, and I'd thought it was lost forever. And now, I think I might be a bit too old for my dear little teddy bear. Would you like it, Astonia?"

"Mine!" Astonia yells happily, and Pansy nods in agreement, remembering how her own mother had taken the bear away from Pansy as soon as she could.

"Your teddy. And you can hold onto it for as long as you want. It's your teddy."


	67. Day 67: Bored

"I'm bored," Pansy whined, kicking the back of Daphne's chair, much to the other girl's annoyance. "Why aren't we doing anything interesting? Just sitting around is so boorish. Come on, Daphne, let's do something exciting."

"Bugger off, Parkinson," Daphne replied brusquely, scooting her desk forwards so that Pansy could not reach it with her foot. "If you're so bored, maybe you should try paying attention to the lesson for once, instead of bothering me."

"But the lesson is boring, too!" Pansy sighed dramatically, pretending to fall dead, sprawling across her desk. "I'm just so bored, Daphne! Everything is so boring!"


	68. Day 68: Smile

She used to be willing to do anything to get a smile. She would lie and cheat and hurt others, if only it meant getting that simple smile and those lovely words that could carry her on a cloud for days afterwards.

"_Good job, Pansy_."

She might have killed someone for a smile, if she had been asked. If she had been told to burn the whole school down, she might have done it, if it meant earning a smile in return. She was willing to ruin her own life, for a smile.

"_Good job, Pansy."_ And that beautiful smile.


	69. Day 69: Passion

There was no passion left in her. No desire to strive ahead, to stand taller than everyone else in the world.

Sometimes, she could barely even pull herself out of bed, instead calling for her son to take care of the others, because her head hurt and it wasn't worth moving just to deal with the younger children when her son could do it for her.

Her son, who was still young and still passionate and still so full of life. She had been like that once, years ago, but not anymore.

Now, she was just an empty, dying shell.


	70. Day 70: Clouds

"Look, Pansy," Astoria says, pointing up at the sky. "Look at the pretty clouds. What shapes do you see?"

"A bunny rabbit," Pansy lied, because all she saw in the clouds was betrayal and death and herself, a coward, running away from everything that went wrong in her life. "I see a happy, fat little bunny rabbit enjoying himself up in the sky, far, far away from us."

"I see us," Astoria says in a dreamy voice, "in the clouds. The cloud-you is happy, Pansy. Why aren't you happy anymore?"

Pansy couldn't find the answer to that in the clouds.


	71. Day 71: Guest

She felt like a guest in her own home, and an unwelcome guest at that. Her mother would not look Pansy in the eye anymore, and her father remained silent right until the day they threw him in Azkaban for supporting the Death Eaters.

Because she had run away from the battle, unlike her father, who had stuck with his convinctions to the end, even if it _had _been for the wrong side after all.

Pansy was a guest in her own home nowadays, wordlessly wandering the halls of the Parkinson home, just one more ghost that haunted the house.


	72. Day 72: Temptation

It was hard to resist the temptation of eating just _one more chocolate cookie._ She had not realised that Mrs. Davis was such a good cook; she had not realised that there were purebloods who cooked at all.

"Are you sure you don't want any more cookies, Pansy?" Tracey asked, waving one right under the brunette's nose, laughing when Pansy shook her head. "You absolutely positive? You're practically _drooling_, Pansy!"

"Your mum makes good cookies, that's all," Pansy replied shortly, but the next thing she knew, Pansy was giving in to the temptation and snatched the cookie from Tracey's hands.


	73. Day 73: Romance

Was she a romantic person? Pansy wasn't entirely sure. Certainly, Pansy had never seen the point in big, showy gifts or buying fancy things to prove that you were in love with someone.

But did she like the idea of long nights spent next to a person who loved her unconditionally? Did she crave the ability to have that _special one_ who would hold her and kiss her and tell her she was important?

Yes, she wanted that more than anything.

Was she a romantic person? Pansy didn't even really know what being a _romantic person_ was supposed to mean.


End file.
